Its been a while!

I know its been a while since I have updated everyone on my fatness. So here is the scoop. As of today August 30th I am down 26-28 pounds. That keeps fluctuating. My pants have gone down a size, from a 18 to a 16. My shirts are starting to look like baggy shirts that once clung to ever roll on my body. Sadly my bra size has gone down a size or 2.

I look down and see parts of my body I forgot were there. I was laying in bed the other night and felt my pelvic bone sticking out. I said HOLY COW I have one of those! I kept touching it because I was so proud of it. Allan said "Stop touching it!" I am usually the one that says that to him AHAHAHAH! Its amazing how much better I feel not only physically but mentally about my self. I still have about 40-45 pounds to go but my first goal was to get below 200 and I am there!!! This morning I weighed in at 187. Which is less than I weighed when I did the HCG. When I did that I felt shitty. I was tired, grumpy and felt so run down. This time I feel better. When I went to the Dr last week she said I had lost 5.5 pounds last month. That was good news but the bad news was it was all lean muscle. So this week my goal is to drink more water, start back on the treadmill at least 4 times this week and EAT more protein. I know that I have been stressed out over this KayDee teenage bull shit and have just completely forgotten to eat all of my calories. Now that the kids are back in school and I have a little more time to focus on things I need to do, I am hoping that will help. I am proud to say that I have achieved 3 of my goals since April and that feels pretty good. First goal- get below 200. Second Goal- get out of the 190's. Third goal- 20 pounds by the end of August! CHECK ON ALL! My next goal is to be in the 170's. I find that taking it 10 pounds at a time it helps me focus on the long term goal better. I have also in the last week or 2 been able to cut my medication in half. I was starting to feel on edge and having lots of anxiety. My Dr told me that it was most likely that my medication was too high now and told me to try and slowly take it down half way. So its been a week of being at 40 mg from 80 mg. I feel better. Not so on edge. I hope at some point in my life I will be able to be medication free. But that might be something that is not possible for me. When I started taking it my sweet crazy Dr told me that it might be something I will need for the rest of my life even if it is in small doses. There is a history of depression and anxiety on both sides of my family (even though most don't want to admit it). To me its nothing to be ashamed about. Its an illness and some people suffer from chemical imbalance and some don't. Just like some people have to wear glasses and some people don't. I used to be ashamed of having to be on medication to balance me. Until I went off it one time and saw and felt what it was like without it. YUP I WILL TAKE THE CRAZY PILLS! I joke and say crazy pills and some people think that I am being rude or their feelings get hurt. NO I don't think that I am crazy or anyone else that has to take the pills. So I am sorry if anyone took it the wrong way. Its just me being me. :)

I am sure most of you heard that the girls talked me into a puppy. We had talked about it for a while and I kept going back and forth. My friend had said that puppies are lots of work and take a lot of time. Which was something that even though I am not working find I have little of. I had logged onto the Co-Animal shelter to just take a look at what they had. There was this face that I had to go see. I thought about him all day long and finally said OK girls lets go see this little guy. He is 2 years old (so not a puppy) He is a Yorkie Terrier is what the pound says. He seems a little bigger than a Yorkie. Amanda thinks he is a silky Terrier which really doesn't matter to me. He is just so cute. He has got some abandonment issues though. He doesn't like to be left alone EVER! Which is OK now that he doesn't smell like the pound. Some of you might even be shocked to hear that I let him on my BED! Something I said I would never do. But its hard to say NO to that little face. He is my little shadow when the girls aren't home. This will be the first day that I will need to shower and its like having a baby I don't know how I am going to do it. Allan took Sha to school today and Aubrey and I were still in bed and he started barking and ran in the office jumped into the window and started barking at them. KNOCKED EVERYTHING off the window bench AGAIN! Then he went and showed them and pooped in the basement. It seems like when we leave him alone he poops. Otherwise he has been so good about going out side. He will get our attention and head to the back door.

Allan spent the weekend making sure he couldn't get out anywhere in the yard. Since he seems to be an escape artists. I hate to lock him up when we aren't home and just let him be. But he is naughty and its funny he knows when he has been naughty. His tail goes between his legs, ears and face down. Its hard not to say OHHHHH its OK little guy. Allan has to be the mean one and tell him he is naughty. I do when I have to. But other than the day he escaped from his kennel and tore apart my house he has been pretty good. I am starting to think that we should of named him Shadow though! I can't even pee without him sitting in front of the bathroom door waiting for me to come out. But I am glad we got him. He likes to sleep with Shaleigh and Aubrey gets her little feel bads hurt. I try to tell her not to take it personal he just has a spot on Sha's bed that he likes. He will some time decided he wants to sleep with you too. I think he get smothered by Aubrey. She wants to touch him and be in his face and sometimes he just wants to be alone. Here are a couple of pictures. He has since got a little hair cut because he was un-even and Auntie Amanda fixed him up. Even with little bows :) I know he is a bot. But It was so cute. They lasted like 10 minutes he pulled them out.

20 Pounds GONE BYE BYE !!

I know its been a while since I posted. I have been struggling this month. Not that I have been eating crappy. Well maybe a crap food here and there but nothing like I used to eat. I have been struggling with eating enough calories to keep up with my activity. I lost 3 pounds in July and ALL of it was lean muscle mass!! Not good. I have been doing a lot in the yard. So I am sure that was a lot of it. But I just get so busy I forget to eat. Which is not good. So this month my goal is to not loose any muscle.

On the brighter side. I am down 20 pound and 4.5% of my BMI since I started this journey. I have learned a lot about myself and my body. I was at the dentist office the other day. We have been going there for along time and they are all practically family. I sit behind the desk and talk to the girlie's there. Well they are all on a loose weight kick. They had a scale and I just jumped on it. Didn't even think twice about them seeing how much I weigh. Because I think the number has now become a number and it doesn't matter how much you weigh its how you feel about the way you look. I still don't feel 100% good about my self but I feel a lot better. I also feel more energy and want to actually do things. Other than sit and watch TV.

I took KayDee school shopping the other day and I tried on some pants and I am down from a very tight 18 to a comfortable 16 which means soon down to a 14. I would love to just be a 10. Like I have said before I am not looking to be a tooth pick just a healthy weight for my hight and my body frame.

I have also been reading this book "Eat Right for Your Blood Type." Its pretty interesting. I am seeing that some of the food that is not for my blood type is food that makes my tummy upset. Like Dairy! Its pretty interesting I recommend reading it.

Well I guess I will get back to work or at least start to work on painting KayDee's room.

FINALLY!

Got on the scale this morning and I have finally broke threw the plateau 190.0 YEA!!!! 1 more pound to go and I have got to my second goal! To be out of the 190's!

I was watching Loosing it with Jillian the other night. SHE is one tuff cookie!! She was screaming in this lady's face and she yelled "WHAT ARE YOU THINKING?" I yelled at the TV "That I want to PUNCH you in your FACE!" I hear my kids in the other room start laughing. I think I might either break down and cry or I just might punch her in her face if her or anyone was screaming at me like that. I hate yelling. Though I find myself doing it sometimes. I guess its my way of saying "YOUR NOT LISTENING!" I feel bad when I yell but some of you will find that when your kids get to be teenagers sometimes its the only way to get your point across and even then you wonder if they heard you. I look back on all the naughty things I did growing up and see my kids doing some of them and all I have to say is "MOM, DAD and RICHANE I am sorry for being a bratty teenager! But you can rest assure that I am getting my pay back! I was just a boy crazy girl and drove them nuts. Now I have my very own Boy crazy girl! I think I have 2 more waiting to come out

and be BOY CRAZY!!!

Anyway--- WOW I got of track there for a minute.

I have started not only writing everything that I eat but the calories too. I have also been writing how many calories I burn on the treadmill. OK so to be honest I did it one day and that was yesterday. But I am doing it again today. I think it helps to know how many calories you are eating so that you don't eat too much or you don't eat enough. Its such a fine balance between the two. I really hate thinking about every freaking thing I eat but it helps. I figure by the time I am were I want to be I will just know and not have to think about it anymore. LETS HOPE!

I really have not felt deprived or hungry. I have had my belly growl because its hungry and I just try to pick something that is good for me instead of grabbing a bag of chips.

On our trip to California on the way down there we stopped in Elko to sleep and got a burger and McDonald's, talk about YUCK!!! I didn't get French fries I have not had fast food grease since April I think. I did have the low fat parfait so I didn't feel so guilty but boy did my gut hurt from that burger!! Then on the way home I tried it again. WHY I TORTURE MY SELF IS BEYOND ME! A burger just sounded good and when you are the road there is not much to choose from. And yep sure as shit my tummy hurt.

Traveling is not good when you are trying to loose weight. Driving I think is even worse. I gained

so much water weight that it was sick! I wanted to cry when I got on my moms scale and it said 198.5. Ok I actually did CRY! I had not seen that number in months and I did not like it! But I know it was water because as fast as I gained it. I lost it again. Plus I had on sweat capries and they left huge indents in my calves. It was like I was prego and the water weight was just there. You would push into my legs and it would leave indents. My ring was just re-sized from a 4 2/3 to a 4 1/4 and it was squeezing my figure!! STUPID WATER WEIGHT! Sucks being a girl sometimes. But then if I was a boy I

would not be able to have super cute shoes and purses!!!

Well I better get off the computer and get my butt on the treadmill so I can go see my friends baby and kiss his face!!!

No Energy!

I am sitting here on my butt thinking I should really get my butt down stairs and get on the treadmill. But I have no energy. I have been keeping track of my calorie intake because I am a stuck point of 191.2 been sitting here at that weight for a few days (except when I was in California and some how gained 8 pounds of water. I was so swollen that my sweats left deep imprints in my calves.) Anyway-- I have noticed that I am averaging about 230 calories a meal which is only 690 Calories a day (not counting snacks). So I think that explains the sudden stop in weight loss. I am not eating enough. I can't win for loosing here! I either eat too much get fat or not eat enough and stay the same fatty. Well at least I know what I need to do. I am going to go get my giant butt on the treadmill and eat more food!

Drivers License

Yesterday I had to go get my Drivers Licenses renewed. It was going to expire the next day. Talk about procrastination! On my way there I was thinking about my weight. Because I have lied on my drivers license weight for as long as I can remember. BUT not this year. I put the amount I weighed that morning which was 191. I hesitated a lot when writing that number. I thought maybe I should put the weight that I want to be at. Then I thought NO the person doing my license will think OH MY HELL she is so lying! Then I decided to write the correct amount so that I can look back and see what a chubby fat ass I really was and have prof that the day before my birthday my weight was at 191. Because I woke up this morning and weighed in at 196. NOT happy about that. I am so super swollen this morning. BLAHHHHH I hate being a girl! I am sure it had nothing to do with the popcorn I ate while watching a movie last night. :)

Well this will be a short blog today. I have lots to do. I will try to keep up on my weekly blogs on my weigh in days Tuesdays of every week!

One more thing. This picture of me and my Grandma Missy. I was almost one in this picture and today I am 36 years old. I hope that she is in heaven smiling down on my being proud of the person I have become. I love and miss you so much Grandma!

See it in the FACE!!

So these are the latest photos of me. Its almost 20 pounds later. I can't believe it! I feel so much better in my clothes. I still have about 35 more pounds to go to be at the weight I want to be at. I am not looking to be super duper skinny. I just want to feel healthy.

Allan brought in some summer clothes in from storage on Saturday. I had a field day going through them. They were getting to big. Where last year at this time I was having a hard time buttoning them up. I usually dread the UN think able of getting out last years clothes to see how much I gained over the winter. I actually went through all my cloths and everything was fitting or too big! I put it in a big pile and didn't think twice if it was too big or I had not worn it in a year out it went! YEAH me! Poor Allan! I hope he knows that once I loose my weight I will be going on a shopping spree. I agreed to buy nothing new to wear unless its a belt to hold up my pants until I have lost so much that my pants fall off. Wont that be a great feeling!!!! I can't wait.

Its funny how fast the weight comes on and how slow it takes to get it off!! I hate it! But That is part of life I guess. You get older and your body changes. I have always struggled to keep it off. This time I am KEEPING IT OFF!!!

Today I was sitting with Amanda, holding my sweet nephew Rowan I could just eat him up! Anyway we were talking about how we would like to suck this out and lift that up. I think loosing weight is going to cost me or Allan for that matter some money. My weight has come out of my boobs before anything. I hate IT! I have always been blessed with big sisters and I don't know what I would do with out them. If I loose them all I will just have to have some enhancements done. Which is super weird for me because about 7 years ago I had them reduced because they were so big. They took 7 pounds of the sisters. HOLLY COW that is a baby!

Anyway-- I lost my train of thought on were I was going with this blog. I was interrupted so lost all thought of what I was saying. I seem to be having issues with that lately. I think I might be getting old !!

10 pounds PURE FAT!

Weigh in was yesterday!!

A little disappointed because this morning I was at 193.0 and when I got the the doctor after 3 pm I was at 196.00 BLLAHHHHHH I hate being a girl for that reason. Why can't we just stay the same all day. NOPE we have to gain and loose gain and loose. It really pisses me off!!! She did tell me that being dressed and weighing in the later part of the day is a huge difference. So I felt a little better. But I am going to count my weight loss from my home scale. BECAUSE I LIKE THAT NUMBER BETTER! And I weigh in the mornings without being dressed. (sorry for the visual). I love this doctor. She told me my blood pressure was up a bit. I told her there were some family issues. She asked about it. I told her a little because its such a drama FEST that just gets me worked up. She told me that my grandpa's wife was a BITCH! It was so funny to hear that from her. She is this calm little hippy kinda lady and just super sweet. But I loved it!

Back to my FAT! So I have started to notice clothing fitting different. I don't have to suck it in until I can't breath! Its awesome. The Doctor told me that I have lost 10 pound of PURE FAT! And 8 pounds of lean fat. Which isn't want she wants. So I need to eat more protein and try not to work out as much or for such long periods of time. But she said this month I lost more FAT than Lean Fat. I lost 8 pounds according to her scale in the afternoon for the month with is a total of 18 pounds. But if i weigh in the morning its more like 20 pounds! I am happy with either number. Eight pounds a month is pretty good. 2 pounds a week. I am not wanting to dump the weight so fast because then it will come back faster and then some. I just want to make life style changes and stick with it. Last night I had chicken and brown rice for dinner and had a super hard time with the fat that was on the chicken. I wanted to throw up!

Its funny how things that you used to love like MAYO, just the thought of putting that lard on my sandwich makes me want to puke. I have always been a sauce person. Not anymore. YUCK! I have also not had a french fry since April. Even the smell makes me sick. Its funny how you stop eating those things you can totally tell how they make you feel after you eat them again or even the smell of the grease.

Fathers Day I had my family over for a BBQ and my Dad brought a cake over for mine and Andy's birthday because they are a few weeks apart and he didn't know if he would be in town. SO for the last week there has been this sheet cake with mouse filling and chocolate cake sitting at my house. That has been super hard! I would grab my fork and just have a "BITE". Left the fork in the box with the cake. Then go back and do it again. Pretty soon it was pieces of cake. I would take the frosting off and eat the cake and the filling. MMMMM Chocolate cake and moose creamy YUM! But not good for my BUM! Thursday was garbage day and the cake went with the Garbage man. I am OK as long as its not here. I thought I would be OK when my dad left it because I didn't want any when everyone was here. NOPE ! That cake was TROUBLE! And trouble is not welcome in my house!

Allan and I were laying in bed the other night. I always lay on my side and he will put his hand on my hip. All of a sudden he starts moving his hand up and down on my side. (NO THIS IS NOT A DIRTY STORY) ANYWAY you PERVS-- I notice that his hand is not being stopped by my rolls on my side. I said "Hey did you notice that there is no longer a roll their were you can stick your finger in, to hold up your hand there without effort?" He said "YES! I was just going to say that!" I still have ROLLS believe me but they are getting smaller and I can tell. I am even a little off balance when I walk sometimes.

Last night I was thinking about my friend who said her little boy weighed 10 pounds at birth. I thought HOLLY SHIT I just have lost 10 pound of fat that was the size of a large baby! Then I thought holly shit! I have lost enough weight for 2 large babies. Then I look at my kids and can't believe that I have basically had 2 babies in 2 months! That is NUTS! They were not 10 pounders but they were all 8 pounds at least. Aubrey is my tiny one and she was the biggest baby 8 pounds 14 oz and 19 1/2 inches long.... Short and chunky just like her mommy! Not now she is skinny Minnie and still short! I tell her that I like being short because when you fall it doesn't hurt as much because you are closer to the ground!

Speaking of Fat babies! But isn't he so cute.. I just want to eat him! My little Rowan and the other picture is of my sisters baby Aislyn, Aubrey is holding her and Julia (Allans sisters little one). Aislyn is a chunk too. But she is starting to turn into a toddler so she is getting taller and not so much like a chunky monkey. I just wish adult ROLLS were as cute as baby rolls! Picture of me was Thanksgiving time. That might be my heaviest at 218. I might look a little drunk because I am! Too much family from all sides at one time..... GOD HELP ME IF I EVER GO BACK TO LOOKING LIKE THAT PLEASE PUT ME OUT TO PASTURE! Amanda that is your job! You are the only one that will tell me the truth! Well until next time! I will try to write more often. It helps keep me on track. I just loose track of time some days!