I guess I should update what I have been doing with my life since I last wrote.My last post was in February 2012. So just a little while! I read a little of what I wrote and I think that at that point in my weigh loss I wasn't owning my number on the scale. I tried to ignore it hoping it would drop but it was a slow process. A month after that post I started a new job and it was hard to keep on track with working out. I have always had a hard time working out and if I could loose weight by being lazy believe me I would! So working, going to school and trying to manage a family is really pretty hard. There are many nights that I come home from work and don't move from the couch. I am in the home stretch of finishing school. Well finishing for now. I can't decide if I am going to continue with my degree and get my bachelors. BUT if you ask my kids they would say "NO MOM!" It is stressful and I get grouchy. It also hinders my weight loss.
It seems like I have struggled with this weight for my entire life. I guess I really have struggled with it. I think at this point of my life it's more about feeling good in my own skin and not about what other people think. I feel like we all spend way too much thinking about what others think and trying to make them see that we are a good person and worthy of their friendship or love. At least that is how I feel. I am a people pleaser and what everyone to like me and can't stand it when someone is mad at me or doesn't like me.I am actually learning that I don't care as much. Not everyone will like me or not get mad at me at some point in my life. I am okay with that. I know that I am a good person and have a lot of love to give their loss!
I guess the point of me starting this blog again is to announce my weight. I am owning the number now. It's not were I want to be or nearly close but I feel better about myself and want to keep working towards my goal. When I started this long long journey I was a whopping 213 or 218. At my lowest this year I was 178. This morning I was 186. I had a miscarriage last month and my body is still trying to go back to normal. (whatever normal is) I am not as hard on myself as I used to be when the scale goes up. I just try harder during that day. One day at a time doesn't just apply to AA. It should apply to us all. Allan (my hubby) thinks that it's crazy to think one day at a time. But i see it as a good thing. If you look at your past all time and dwell in past, how can you move forward. I heard this quote a while ago and keep it in my office for me to see every day.
It's definitely a quote I try to live by. We should learn from our past but learn and move forward.
I have been so lucky to have had someone come into my life that has helped me learn how to eat better. Learn how to trade certain things for healthier things. She has inspired me to be healthier. I make better food choices. Don't get me wrong I make plenty of bad choices along the way. I have learned if I deprive myself I end up over doing it. the other thing that has helped the food choice I make is BRACES! My teeth were pretty straight but my bottom teeth needed a little help. Well I ended up with braces top and bottom. My bite is off so it makes it very difficult to eat things like BREAD! Which is one of my weaknesses. I guess being lazy and not wanting to brush my teeth every second of the day helps too. I can't stand anything in my teeth So I will decide how lazy I really am. Eat and brush or not eat it and not have to brush! I think I brush and use a water pick like 3 to 4 times a day sometimes. I went to the dentist for my yearly check up and was told that my braces are the cleanest they have ever seen! I also did a round of HCG. I know everyone thinks so badly about that. But it helped me. I just needed a little push and that helped me. Once I started feeling the difference in my body and the way I felt in my clothing it has pushed me to keep going.
Like I said weight has been an issue my whole life. I don't remember a time that I didn't worry if I was fat. As I have grown I have learned that it's important to be thin, but only because of health reasons. I don't want to be a super model or weigh 105 pounds. I want to be healthy even if that number is higher than I would like to see. I have learned a lot about body mass and muscle weighing more than fat. I just want to be healthy and happy.
Last month I had my second miscarriage in 3 months, so i gained a little of my weight back. It isn't much only 5 pounds but I can feel it. I am getting back on track and hopefully I will be writing more.
This picture was taken in December 2012 a few months before braces.
This picture was take the end of June 2013. I can't believe the difference in my face. I never knew I had such great cheek bones! I guess that is it for now. I am hoping to check in once a week.
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