This morning I had to get up to take care of my poor little KayDee. She flew over the top of her bike and needed me to bandage her up before she went to school. I hate it when my girls get hurt. It hurts me to see them hurting. She is not the most graceful girl, she gets that from her mom!
Anyway--I decided that since I was up I might as well take the girls to school, which is something I hate doing! I hate all the crazy parents trying to get in and out of the circle! I usually wont take them to the circle if I drive them. But because of kayDee having a hard time walking I decided to. After I got home I thought, HUMMMMM I am going to get on the treadmill and get it over with. I didn't beat my time but I still did 3 miles in 59 minutes and total work out 62 minuets. I got off feeling disappointed in myself. But then I decided to change it around and make it a new goal. My new goal is to get up not later than 7 and get on the treadmill first thing. I know that I will feel better all day because its out of the way and have more energy.
I always thought that people were crazy when they talked about things in your life holding your fat on your body. REALLY?? I would think. But you know I really think its true. I recently faced some family issues that have been there for along time. Its too much to really get into right now. But I have felt like there was a whole in my heart for years. Facing those issues and filled my heart. I have chosen to look forward instead of backward. I have chosen to let go of all the pain I had in my heart. I am standing up to people that I have always been afraid to stand up to. I always worried if I did they wouldn't love me anymore. Turns out thats not true. They might not like what I have to say but they will still love me. Love is about loving with boundaries not conditions. Sometimes we just have to say it. Its not always easy but I feel that since I have been dealing with all this family stuff and trying to loose weight, its becoming easier. Its easier to love myself enough to know that I am worth being healthy and being strong both in body and in mind.
Loving yourself has to be the hardest thing that I have ever done. Its easy to love another person. But to love everything about yourself is hard. I think that we as women are harder on ourself than we are on anyone. We expect to take care of life for everyone around us. Alot of the time we don't even take 5 minutes for ourself. Being unemployed has given me that time. I keep beating myself up for my last job loss. But when I look at it from a distance and pull out the emotion I know that it just was not a good fit. There is a reason I am not working. I have never had a hard time getting a job. I know that I am worth hiring. I honestly think there is a reason I am not. Maybe its so I can have this time learn to love myself and get healthy. I am not looking to be a super model or super thin person. I just want to be healthy! I want to be able to have a healthy heart and be able to go for walks out side and not be completely out of breath from just walking. I want to get dressed and feel good about who I am. Feel strong in my mind and in my body.
I have come along way in the last few years. There was a time in my life that driving at night was scary for me. Forget about working.... I was so afraid to talk to people. Some of you have seen me grow or might not even know the things I have over come. I can over come anything I put my mind to. I just need to put my mind to it. Sometimes the anxiety gets me or slows me down. But I am working every day to face the fears that are put in front of me. I might do well one day and I might not do so well on other days. But at least I can say I am trying and trying is half the battle. Right???
1 comment:
You are doing great. Keep it up. 7 is a good goal.
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