I am finding that its easy to loose weight or easier for me when I am not working and trying to go to school. Its amazing how a bag of peanut butter M&M's can make you feel less stressed. I have learned a lot about my self and my eating habits. I guess that is a good step towards healthy living. I am learning I eat if I am happy, sad, just about any emotion. I live to eat! I know that reality is I need to eat to live and make better choices. Sometimes that is just not reality for me. It might not be reality for most people.
I can tell you this I feel better in my jeans, I feel better in my body. I might not be the weight I want to be but I am feeling better and feeling like I am who I am. No one has to love it no one has to even like it. I just need to be okay with who I am. Sometimes its easier to say and feel it. But it is becoming part of my life and who I have to be. There is so much to life and I am not going to miss out on life anymore. Fat jeans or skinny jeans, I will be in them.
I am starting again. I can't take back the time I have lost or try to hurry and loose the weight I gained back. So starting again is all I can do. I have learned a lot about myself and some of my friends. I have a few good ones. One that has been distant with me and that was my fault. I am hoping that this year I will be a better person and learn to shut my own pie whole. Maybe even shut it with an apple instead of a candy bar. :)
Hummmm now what.... ohhh TEENS! Yeah they suck. I love my children and would never change one thing about them. Well maybe make them nice. KayDee is going through some tough things and unfortunately she is going to have to learn the hard way. I have tried the "I love you and would do anything and give you anything." But that isn't working and its clear to me that she wants to go down a road that isn't the right one but at this point in her life there is only so much I can do. I love her but I have to love my other kids too. Tuff love is TUFF! Its hard for me to give it to her but I hope that one day she will see that I love her and would give her the world but she wants to be free and be an adult. Oh how these thoughts of my youth fly through my head and I realize how much like me she is. It scares me and you would think that I would have all the answers on how to make her better. I was asked last night by my sweet cute neighbor Amy-"Jenn, so what are you going to do?" my response " I don't know!" I really don't know. I have no idea where to go at this point with her. She is my child that I love with all my heart. She is my KayDee Bug. How much do I take, though? Her words of I hate you, I hope you die, I never want to see you again. Might only be words but they hurt like someone stabbing me in the heart. I am out of tears out of energy for it.
Well that was a little off of the "Fat topic". I guess I better get back to my school. Thanks for listening or reading.... Thanks for all of your support and love...
No comments:
Post a Comment