Creeping

I was unable to sleep this morning on my day off. Hubby snoring and racing thoughts are not a good combination. But it is what it is. I have been thinking for a while that I would start writing again. It always seems to help me with my weight loss. It's almost therapeutic for me. Even if no one reads it. It helps get my thoughts out of my head. Publishing it on my blog also helps me feel accountable for my chubby butt!
 I guess I should update what I have been doing with my life since I last wrote.My last post was in February 2012. So just a little while! I read a little of what I wrote and I think that at that point in my weigh loss I wasn't owning my number on the scale. I tried to ignore it hoping it would drop but it was a slow process. A month after that post I started a new job and it was hard to keep on track with working out. I have always had a hard time working out and if I could loose weight by being lazy believe me I would! So working, going to school and trying to manage a family is really pretty hard. There are many nights that I come home from work and don't move from the couch. I am in the home stretch of finishing school. Well finishing for now. I can't decide if I am going to continue with my degree and get my bachelors. BUT if you ask my kids they would say "NO MOM!" It is stressful and I get grouchy. It also hinders my weight loss.

 It seems like I have struggled with this weight for my entire life. I guess I really have struggled with it. I think at this point of my life it's more about feeling good in my own skin and not about what other people think. I feel like we all spend way too much thinking about what others think and trying to make them see that we are a good person and worthy of their friendship or love. At least that is how I feel. I am a people pleaser and what everyone to like me and can't stand it when someone is mad at me or doesn't like me.I am actually learning that I don't care as much. Not everyone will like me or not get mad at me at some point in my life. I am okay with that. I know that I am a good person and have a lot of love to give their loss!

 I guess the point of me starting this blog again is to announce my weight. I am owning the number now. It's not were I want to be or nearly close but I feel better about myself and want to keep working towards my goal. When I started this long long journey I was a whopping 213 or 218. At my lowest this year I was 178. This morning I was 186. I had a miscarriage last month and my body is still trying to go back to normal. (whatever normal is) I am not as hard on myself as I used to be when the scale goes up. I just try harder during that day. One day at a time doesn't just apply to AA. It should apply to us all. Allan (my hubby) thinks that it's crazy to think one day at a time. But i see it as a good thing. If you look at your past all time and dwell in past, how can you move forward. I heard this quote a while ago and keep it in my office for me to see every day. 
It's definitely a quote I try to live by. We should learn from our past but learn and move forward.

I have been so lucky to have had someone come into my life that has helped me learn how to eat better. Learn how to trade certain things for healthier things. She has inspired me to be healthier. I make better food choices. Don't get me wrong I make plenty of bad choices along the way. I have learned if I deprive myself I end up over doing it. the other thing that has helped the food choice I make is BRACES! My teeth were pretty straight but my bottom teeth needed a little help. Well I ended up with braces top and bottom. My bite is off so it makes it very difficult to eat things like BREAD! Which is one of my weaknesses. I guess being lazy and not wanting to brush my teeth every second of the day helps too. I can't stand anything in my teeth So I will decide how lazy I really am. Eat and brush or not eat it and not have to brush! I think I brush and use a water pick like 3 to 4 times a day sometimes. I went to the dentist for my yearly check up and was told that my braces are the cleanest they have ever seen!  I also did a round of HCG. I know everyone thinks so badly about that. But it helped me. I just needed a little push and that helped me. Once I started feeling the difference in my body and the way I felt in my clothing it has pushed me to keep going.

Like I said weight has been an issue my whole life. I don't remember a time that I didn't worry if I was fat. As I have grown I have learned that it's important to be thin, but only because of health reasons. I don't want to be a super model or weigh 105 pounds. I want to be healthy even if that number is higher than I would like to see. I have learned a lot about body mass and muscle weighing more than fat. I just want to be healthy and happy.

Last month I had my second miscarriage in 3 months, so i gained a little of my weight back. It isn't much only 5 pounds but I can feel it. I am getting back on track and hopefully I will be writing more.

This picture was taken in December 2012 a few months before braces.

This picture was take the end of June 2013. I can't believe the difference in my face. I never knew I had such great cheek bones! I guess that is it for now. I am hoping to check in once a week.

      

3 Weeks

Well I am 3 weeks into my new routine. I have lost 5.5 pounds and 15 inches total. Total of 10 pounds since I starting trying to loose weight. I am happy about the results. I haven't stuck 100% to what the book I was reading told me to do. I never follow anything 100% as I am suppose to. HUMMM I wonder where my kids get it??

I haven't been posting every day because I have really ran out of things to say. I know its a shocker.

Anyway-

I started out 3 weeks ago doing 30 minutes of cardio doing the circuit training. I am up to 45 minutes on the circuit training. It seems to kick my butt pretty good. I have been using the My Fitness Pal to help keep track of my calories. (APP on my phone) I think that has made the biggest difference. Its amazing when you are thinking about the calories and how many you have what things you go without eating. A lot of it is just not worth it. Like last night. KayDee came home from work with a steak salad from Costa Vita. One of my favorites. I had eaten all my calories and I knew I would regret it but I really wanted some. So I looked up the calories and to my surprise with the dressing it was 1338 with 79 grams of fat. I was totally not wanting it after that. I had my friend text me to go to get Frogert right before that. Though I really wanted to go, I just didn't want the calories added to my total for the day. I give myself a free day but I find myself not really going over the top with my eating. I feel crappy the next day when I do.

Allan told me that he was going to get me candy for Valentines day. I told he would die if he did. He just laughed. I had gotten him some candy because he has such a sweet tooth. We had dinner on Thursday and we both looked at each other and said "I need something sweet!" I looked at him and said "wanna break into your Valentines candy?" I ran to the closet and got out the candy. I read all the calories in them and had 2 pieces (1/2 the serving size) instead of what I normally would of done just ate until I couldn't eat anymore. I guess what I am saying is (A) Don't eat your husbands valentines candy before its Valentines. (B) If you think about what you eat and what is in it and if its worth the size of your butt.

What I learned this week, think about what I eat before I eat it. You can still eat crap you like to have you just have to watch your calories and not do it every day.

5 Days Later

I know its been 5 days since I have posted. Just nothing really interesting to post. I am excited to say that I have met a goal. I am in the low 190's! I think that the difference in my weight loss is that I am using the fitness pal. It helps me keep track of what I am eating and how many calories I am eating. I feel that when you are just eating and guessing what you ate you either go way over your calories or you go way under. For me it would be the under part.

I was watching the news one day and they did a study on a group of people. One group just cut their calories to 1200 but continued to eat what they wanted. One group ate high protein. The other group ate high carbs. But all ate 1200 calories. They all lost the same amount of weight. It got me thinking that I just need to eat 1200 calories and see what happens. I have been doing that for a week and seem to do the same and average about 2 pounds a week. I don't know why it just seems to stick to my body. I get so frustrated because all Allan does is think about loosing weight. I get so mad when he gets on the scale and looses weight. I work my ass off on the treadmill and are careful about what I eat and how much I eat. I give myself one day were I will go over my calories but only by 300. He eats under his calories and most times drinks his calories. It really pisses me off!! Freaking MEN!

Why is it that men have it so much better than we women do. We have the monthly treat. We gain 3-4 pounds in a night without doing anything different. We tend to hold onto fat longer than they do. HUMMM I think if it weren't for that ugly little guy between their legs I might want to be a man!

Well I wouldn't want to be a hairy man.

I was sick part of the week last week and I am hoping that I start feeling better. Its my tummy. I am sure its getting used to all this healthy food and less fatty food. I have to say I did have McDonalds yesterday. Its funny after not eating foods that are full of salt how salty things taste. My tongue actually really hurt from all the salt. I even had a tortilla chip and it was nasty to me. It was so salty that I didn't bother with the rest of my handful. I sometimes think that all I think about is what I eat and how much I work out. BLAH BLAH. I have become that person. I never thought I would be that person but you almost have to be or you loose track and before you know it you weigh 200 pounds plus. I have been watching those shows "My 600 pound life." It scares me that if you just let your self be consumed with something in your life that someone could become that big. It doesn't seem to be that these people are all over eaters or that they are lazy. It seems like there are deep emotional things that are hiding in that weight. It seems like they loose the weight but they are still unhappy. Its really sad actually. I feel bad for those people whether they are skinny or fat. I think that we never know what is behind someones face or what their story is. Its always best to think positive and just not worry about their business. I know that can be hard with some people. I know I have some people that in my life that I just don't understand why they are the way they are. I think no one will ever understand anyone. I have decided to just mind my own business and let them be who they are and forget about it. Well with that being said I am done with this post. Until next time!

Gain

Its been since Sunday that I have worked out because I have been sick. I went to the doctor today and she told me I lost 4 pounds of fat and gained 2% muscle. WOOHOO! I usually go and loose muscle. I was excited to know that I am finally on the right track. Eating the right amount of calories and working out. Looks like it pays off. I really have to forget about that stupid number on the scale and remember its just a number. I think we all get caught up on that stupid number.

Water! I have been getting my 8 glasses or more of my water in but it seems like I pee more than I drink! I am told your body gets used to it but its been 3 weeks and I am still peeing every 10 minutes.

My cute friend Heidi got me hooked on this app on my phone called my fitness pal. It helps you log your calorie intake and keeps track of your calories burned when you work out. It has made a difference in my eating. I know how much I need to eat. That has always been my problem is forgetting to eat or going to long without eating. This helps me remember to eat. I used to have an alarm on my phone that would go off every 3 hours to remind me to eat. But the alarm soon got tuned out. I am hoping I stick to this fitness pal. I even have Allan doing it. Not that he has much to loose. Plus men suck when it comes to loosing weight. They just have to really think about it and they loose it. He will most likely be 3 pounds lighter tomorrow. Men suck! Why is that they can loose it so fast? It really pissed me off.

Sleeping has been difficult for me the last few nights. Allan snores like a bear. I swear he never snored this bad in the past. I really don't know how he doesn't wake himself up. The girls say they hear him in the morning. I am going to go to bed before him tonight. Or I might have to hurt him tonight.

Monday Smunday

I don't know if I am having Monday blues or what. But I want to do nothing but cry. I know I have been trying to make it all positive things on this blog but honestly I feel shitty today. I feel like an emotional wreck. I had an interview today and it seemed to go well. He told me I was defiantly qualified for this job if not over qualified. He asked me if I would be happy with the pay. What the hell do you say to that?? I actually wanted to say HELL NO! It's five dollars less than I was making and I am sure that the benefits suck because its for a small construction company. Which is against my better judgement in the first place. I haven't had much luck in this economy with construction. For every interview I go on I have more hate towards my old supervisor. She let me go for reasons I didn't deserve and I resent her. I hate having this feeling over my head. I know its a waste of my time. What did KayDee call it??? OHHH that is right, STINKIN' THINKIN'!

There is nothing that I can do about it and I know that. I can't change it. I wish Karma would come her way. I know that isn't a good way to think about someone. I am sure that is making bad Karma for me. But its how I feel right now. I feel like the only reason she even has the job she has is because her sister is the controller. Here is the kicker. Last year when the W2's were being processed and mailed out. She told me that it was my fault she wasn't getting them out on time. She said that every year before she would get them out 2 weeks into January. Well this year they didn't get mailed out until 2 days before the deadline. HUMMM guess it wasn't me after all.

I guess I am done with my bitching for now. Just feeling frustrated with the job hunt and trying to stay positive about the whole thing.

2 Days Gone By

I can't believe its been 2 days since I posted last. Friday I had an interview and then went to lunch with Heidi. I came home and didn't feel very well. I don't know if it was something that I ate or what. But its now Sunday and I still feel crappy. Its all in my stomach. SOOO needless to say I haven't worked out since Friday. I got up this morning and was determined to work out and my stomach had other ideas. Maybe this afternoon I will be able to get on the treadmill.

I have another interview on Monday so I have to get up super early, so I will work out when I get home. I hate that I can't just stay on the same schedule. I am a creature of habit. I guess once I get a job I will have to change my schedule. I am hoping to get a job that I don't have be there at the butt crack of dawn so I can get up and work out before work. We all know how it is when you come home from work and have to work out. Most times it just doesn't happen. I am actually really excited about the last job I interviewed for. Its for the County and that means good benefits. But will see. This is a job that a lot of people want because its a Monday-Friday job. Which would be nice.Will see keep your figures crossed. I have had enough sitting home!

I guess that is it for today. Hope you all had a good weekend for tomorrow is MONDAY!

Post # 20

I went back and counted how many times I have posted and looks like today is post number 20. I know that I haven't posted every day but most day. I have to tell you I love all your comments and all your support it really does keep me moving.

Last Saturday I did my measurements and today I measured my waist again so that I could add it to my Dr OZ Transformation Nation. I lost 3 inches on my waist in 5 days! I am also down 3 pounds since Saturday. I thought today was Wednesday, I guess that is what happens when you have no job and can forget about what day it is. Anyway I was suppose to weigh in yesterday and didn't. I weighed this morning and was super excited.

Here is a funny story. (I guess I did weigh yesterday but didn't pay attention that it was Wednesday). ANYWAY- I am on the scale and Allan says "You know your cloths will add 2 pounds. You should take off your cloths and just do it in your underwear like I do." So I humor him and was shocked that it was true. Then he says "You should take your bra off because that has to add another pound." So I humor him. He laughs "Hahahhaha I just wanted to see if you would take it off and now I got to see your boobies!!" What a perv! But he was right your cloths add a couple of pounds. Boys are such perverts I swear!

I worked out today and its been exactly one week since I started this new work out on the treadmill. I have lost 5 pounds in 7 days. I wish it was 7 pounds in 7 days but I will take the 5 pounds! Its defiantly enough to keep me going.

Well I guess that is all for today. I need to get moving on laundry and house work. I love house work! ;) NOT