Dragging Ass!

Today I laid in bed for an hour just knowing once I was up I would have to get on the scale. I was not looking forward to it. I haven't yet said my weight because I hate that I have gained so much of it back. But I was 204 when I started and I am now down to 199.2. Hard words for me say. Hard numbers for me to say. I am hoping that it keeps me motivated. I know we all become so consumed by that number on the scale. I was bummed when I got on there today because I was down to 198.2 on Saturday. I know I ate poorly this weekend but didn't blow the whole weekend. Today I am going to make a list of meals for the week for dinner and go shopping. Dinner is hard for me, I am running out of things to make. I am running out of things the kids like. I also struggle with vegetables.

I go to the store and come home with good intentions. I just forget about them or don't feel like eating them. I get told or read so many books and so many people have so many different ideas of what right way is to eat or loose weight. I am so confused. I think my whole life I have been on a Yo-yo diet. I know that its not good for you body to go through the ups and downs. I know that when you do the quick fix diets you just end up going back to bad habits and then gain it all back plus some. I should be the spokes person or modle of what a yo-yo dieter looks like. You name it I have done it. This time I want a different result and a different out come for life not just for the moment. I wanna stop playing with my yo-yo!!! Bad habits are super hard for me to break, as I am sure they are for most people. Food is hard for me. I love to eat and I am a total emotional eater especially when I am stressed. I know what you are thinking "MAN she must be one stressed out girl to have a booty like that!" I have tried to just love my curves and just except who I am. But I am not happy in my own skin. I hate looking in the mirror. Yeah I know what your all thinking and saying because you all have said it to me before. "Your so cute Jenn and you always look cute." I don't want to be the cute chubby girl anymore. I want to be the hot friend. I want to be able to walk into a store and look at something on a mannequin and say I want to try that on and it look better on me than the mannequin. Shopping for me is not always fun. That is why I choose to buy purses and shoes more than anything. I have a lot of cloths but I hate most of them on me. Its really sad because I think about how much money I spend to make my self feel and look better but its just never enough I still feel awful about the way I look.

WOW, that was not where I was going with this whole blog entry. I am suppose to be thinking positive thoughts. But they are thoughts that are going through my head today.

Well I guess that is all for today. Hope you all have a great day.